I can't sleep. It's been four days now. It started be four days now. I t started because I have a cough that for some reason doesn't kick in until I start to fall asleep. This relentless hacking cough that makes the top of my head feel like it's gonna blow off!!!
I also have an ear infection; a throbbing, white hot pain in my ear hole! Don't worry, I got medication for it.
So, this blog is about he affect that the sleeplessness has on my weird ass brain. Now, I know what you're thinking. Everyone gets a little weirded out when they go awhile without sleep. BUT, it is a little different for me, however.
If I go for awhile (and the definition of "awhile" varies upon several factors) without sleep it could trigger a manic or depressive episode. Just depends on the conditions which led to the sleeplessness.
Usually for me the manic leads to the sleeplessness and the sleeplessness leads to the depression. Right now I am hovering around the depression. because of the cough and the ear pain. Hopefully the medication that I got will kick in soon. I also have rheumatoid arthritis and lack of sleep will trigger a flare up of that, as well.
Then, there is also the fact that a depressive state can cause you to feel physical (psychosomatic) pain. Therein is my difficulty. Is my pain caused by my depressive state or is my depressive state causing my pain.
It ain't easy bein me!
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Med Change
I hate when the doctor changes my medication. It screws me all up, Damn it! It seems I just get used to one med then I gotta start all over again. It pisses Bruce off too.
This time Dr. Cantwell took me off my Paxil and put me on Navane. So, I am trading an anti-depressant for an anti-psychotic. It is all Emily, my therapist's, fault. She said I was starting to sound manic (I say with a sarcastic tone).
Hell, I thought I was just happy. Being manic can be quite a rush. You can get a lot done. It is kinda like being on speed (not that I have ever been on speed), only it is legal.
Inevitably, though, you hit that rock hard, invisible wall called "depression". This is so hard to recover from. If you stay manic for too long it changes you. Your base line (normal) gets lower and harder to maintain.So I understand the need for me not to be on the anti-depressant.because it could trigger those manic feelings.
That don't mean I have to LIKE it, though!!!!!!
This time Dr. Cantwell took me off my Paxil and put me on Navane. So, I am trading an anti-depressant for an anti-psychotic. It is all Emily, my therapist's, fault. She said I was starting to sound manic (I say with a sarcastic tone).
Hell, I thought I was just happy. Being manic can be quite a rush. You can get a lot done. It is kinda like being on speed (not that I have ever been on speed), only it is legal.
Inevitably, though, you hit that rock hard, invisible wall called "depression". This is so hard to recover from. If you stay manic for too long it changes you. Your base line (normal) gets lower and harder to maintain.So I understand the need for me not to be on the anti-depressant.because it could trigger those manic feelings.
That don't mean I have to LIKE it, though!!!!!!
Unbeaten Cruelty
My mom and dad have this neighbor who lives across from them. They have a small 5 x 5 pen in which they keep whatever kind of dog they like at the time. At this time they have a really adorable pit bull puppy. I mean a tiny, little thing. This puppy is so cute and just jumps up and licks anyone who gives him the least bit of attention. The thing is that I don't think the "owners" give him any attention or love. They feed him and he has adequate shelter from the elements. But that is not all that it takes to be a responsible pet owner.
For some reason I identify with this dog. He has been in my thoughts almost all the time. I can only imagine what goes through his little doggy brain. Does he miss his mommy and siblings? Does he wonder what he did wrong to be placed in this jail?
"Why did they bring me here if they do not love me?" I am almost sure he wonders.
I don't understand some people. Why have a pet if you do not love animals? If you can not make the time for him? Why would you want to torture this little creature? If only I had the means to live in a place that allowed animals I would rescue this little angel.
So, if anyone who is reading this desires to give this beautiful animal a good and loving home, please contact me. I would GLADLY steal him for you!!!
For some reason I identify with this dog. He has been in my thoughts almost all the time. I can only imagine what goes through his little doggy brain. Does he miss his mommy and siblings? Does he wonder what he did wrong to be placed in this jail?
"Why did they bring me here if they do not love me?" I am almost sure he wonders.
I don't understand some people. Why have a pet if you do not love animals? If you can not make the time for him? Why would you want to torture this little creature? If only I had the means to live in a place that allowed animals I would rescue this little angel.
So, if anyone who is reading this desires to give this beautiful animal a good and loving home, please contact me. I would GLADLY steal him for you!!!
Friday, October 29, 2010
It's All About Me!
Greetings. This is basically for those of you whom I haven't talked to in a while. Most of you already know that I used to work at Long John Silvers. I was there for almost 13 years before I called it quits.
I got married Sept 22 2001. My son, Daniel, was born June 15th 2002. Later, Dylan was born. March 29th 2006. Nevin and I split shortly thereafter.
When I think of it now I realize that we should never have gotten married. Though, we will always be great friends.
I am currently a stay at home mom; mostly because no one else can put up with my Dylan. :) Kidding! He can be a diva sometimes.
I worked 2 other jobs before I finally made the decision to stay home. I worked at Baymont Inn for approx 2 years as a housekeeper. Not a bad gig. I met Micheal there. He is the current love of my life. We have been together now for 2 years. He is SUPER sexy....I just drooled. I love looking at his ass as he walks away!
After Baymont I worked at Kohls for a little while. I liked that job as well but, of course, issues with childcare forced me to leave. I am now seeking disability benefits due to my physical and mental difficulties. DON'T YOU JUDGE ME! ;)
If you become a regular to my blog page you will soon understand!
In a nutshell...I have rheumatoid arthritis and Bipolar Disorder. And these put together seems to make for a bad employee. I make my way in this world sponging off my ex husband. Thanks for your support, Nev!!!
All kidding aside. Nevin really is great. I get along with him now sooo much better than I did when we were married.
When I am not crippled or dealing with "Bruce" (this is my brain.) I pretty much exist just to amuse the boys. For future reference Daniel's nick names are : Boy, Bubby. And Dylan's are : Buddah and (sometimes Micheal calls him) Tiger Paw. Also Dillweed.
I am their Chauffeur, cook, maid, nurse, overall whipping boy. :)
They are my life!
I have 2 sisters. Older sister, Jennifer. She is a nurse. And one younger sister, Christina. She is a paralegal.
I had hopes of becoming an airline pilot, but sadly a fear of heights and airplanes does not a good combo make. I tried aviation maintenance for a while, too. But that didn't work out either. Perhaps I will go back to school one day. Who knows. But for now I will just call this blog finished.
I got married Sept 22 2001. My son, Daniel, was born June 15th 2002. Later, Dylan was born. March 29th 2006. Nevin and I split shortly thereafter.
When I think of it now I realize that we should never have gotten married. Though, we will always be great friends.
I am currently a stay at home mom; mostly because no one else can put up with my Dylan. :) Kidding! He can be a diva sometimes.
I worked 2 other jobs before I finally made the decision to stay home. I worked at Baymont Inn for approx 2 years as a housekeeper. Not a bad gig. I met Micheal there. He is the current love of my life. We have been together now for 2 years. He is SUPER sexy....I just drooled. I love looking at his ass as he walks away!
After Baymont I worked at Kohls for a little while. I liked that job as well but, of course, issues with childcare forced me to leave. I am now seeking disability benefits due to my physical and mental difficulties. DON'T YOU JUDGE ME! ;)
If you become a regular to my blog page you will soon understand!
In a nutshell...I have rheumatoid arthritis and Bipolar Disorder. And these put together seems to make for a bad employee. I make my way in this world sponging off my ex husband. Thanks for your support, Nev!!!
All kidding aside. Nevin really is great. I get along with him now sooo much better than I did when we were married.
When I am not crippled or dealing with "Bruce" (this is my brain.) I pretty much exist just to amuse the boys. For future reference Daniel's nick names are : Boy, Bubby. And Dylan's are : Buddah and (sometimes Micheal calls him) Tiger Paw. Also Dillweed.
I am their Chauffeur, cook, maid, nurse, overall whipping boy. :)
They are my life!
I have 2 sisters. Older sister, Jennifer. She is a nurse. And one younger sister, Christina. She is a paralegal.
I had hopes of becoming an airline pilot, but sadly a fear of heights and airplanes does not a good combo make. I tried aviation maintenance for a while, too. But that didn't work out either. Perhaps I will go back to school one day. Who knows. But for now I will just call this blog finished.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
This is my first blog. It is who I is......
My name is Lori Stutzman. I am 34 years old. I am divorced. I have 2 little boys. They are 8 and 4. Daniel is the oldest. Dylan is the youngest. But Dylan thinks he is grown. I have been dating a super hot guy for 2 years and his name is Micheal. And...what else...I love cheesecake.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)